GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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