Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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