Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
