i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
