I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
