can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
