Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
