I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
