i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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