my mouth tastes like poor choices
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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