these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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