I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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