Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
