when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
