i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
