Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
