I want to walk on stilts...naked
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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