question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
