i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
