last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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