based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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