that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
