Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You've changed since you got that strap on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
