I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
