I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
