Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
