So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
