We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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