Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
