Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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