They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We need to rekindle our bromance
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
