somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
