Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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