i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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