it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
