like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
