You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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