You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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