my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
