My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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