I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
