Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
