so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
