I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
