at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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