i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We left the knife in your bed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
