Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
