Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
