I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
