she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to make out with him forever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
