I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
