i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
