I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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