it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
