hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
